Braving the Wilderness, Woman in the Arena: Owning my story (Part 3)

I sit at the laptop for the longest time ever. I begin and stop every few minutes to compose myself. The process is excruciating. The emotions bubble up and then spill out in tears all over the keyboard.

I press through and continue typing out the email to my pastor.

Hi,

So this email will be in English.

I have already started sending my song choices and videos across as well as pictures to the technical email address as mp4s.

1. Chris Tomlin Home should be played as a video. It is beautiful and it is 4 minutes long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIb4NC5ikYo

2. Followed by you doing a Bible reading. I love 2 Cor 4. Present Weakness and Resurrection of Life (I read this to Alex when he was in the hospital and he loved it) It is a chapter with 16 verses long.

You can also speak a little about him so I will give you the basics. I would prefer to talk about my husband though from my point of view because I have been struggling to articulate it in words. So best, I just get up and say it myself but this is what you can say.

The things you should know.

Born and raised in Pertchtoldsdorf Austria. An only child with one parent remaining, Julia. He is now enjoying heaven with his father Hans (which he brought to the Lord before he passed on). His mum says that he was a good kid and easy to deal with, causing little trouble.  I remember him telling me stuff about his mother and how caring she was. During winter setting his clothes over the heater so that he put on something warm for school. Her topfen and apfel strudel, he loved eating and when christmas arrived he remembered baking biscuits with her which he claims was the best ever. He leaves behind his uncle and aunt Doris and Fritz as well as his cousins Jens and Jochen who will miss him deeply. He had close ties with them and he spoke often and fondly of them. He was always excited when the time permitted for a get together. The jokes and laughter ensued and there was always a wonderful atmosphere in there presence.

Alex was cut and dry, easy to manage and he was never pushed to achieve anything. He set a goal and achieved it. This is true for his schooling as well as his university achievements. He strove for excellence. His interests were geared towards railroad modelling and ballroom dancing. Achieving excellence in those areas with winning competitions and publishing articles in various railroad magazines. His work career boasts alot of accomplishments. The most of his work life was at Siemens and in the last couple of years he moved on to be the key component in getting the newly founded company Omnetric of the ground. He has been an integral part of many people’s lives and to mention them individually would take a lot of time.

We met in Feb 2005. He was on delegation working at the Siemens offices in Midrand in South Africa. He pursued and I finally gave in and said yes to him and his proposal of marriage. We married on the 27th April 2008.  He was very logical and practical in his entire approach to life with an engineering mindset that filtered down into every aspect of his life. His was agnostic. Sat on the fence and was never sure about the God thing as he put it. 5 years into our marriage and with much prayer…he got diagnosed with cancer and he accepted the Lord. He followed long and hard. watching online sermons from Pastor Furtick and completing bible studies. He loved attending JCN (Jesus Centrum Nuremberg) and even when he was unable to physically get here…he listened to the services online. He continuously said that he was able to push through so much due to his faith and the strength from the Lord.

Our girls put him out of his comfort zone but he was a proud father and excellent provider for the home. He didn’t do the emotional side of things well and I learnt to embrace and love him, the core of who he was. Which was generous and thoughtful. His girls Naomi 3 years old remembers her papa as Papa Eisenbahn chugga chugga toot toot. Leah remembers her dad fondly as she considers him building puzzles, going for walks and eating out. She has sat with him gluing and pasting as they worked on landscapes together for his train modelling. She is in a happy place because she knows he is with Jesus and with no more pain.

My family shook his world up given that the Indian culture is extremely different. There is no better words to describe us apart from saying that we are chaotic and crazy but we love each other deeply and Alex enjoyed spending time with us. He ended up calling himself an Indian and would say he did something indian today for instance if he got a bargain whilst shopping. He forged a close bond with Shirley his mother-in-law and made every effort to get her across to us often. She now sits with permanent residential status due to all the effort he invested in her. His sisters and brothers in law will also miss him. They are far and wide across the globe. New Zealand, Australia and South Africa. They could not be present but they have enjoyed his company with get togethers in various places. He was extremely close with Diana and she has compiled a video euology on behalf of the family.

3. A song…I will rise again by Chris Tomlin. Doro can sing that!

4. I say something

5. Candle lighting. I have two songs that I want played videos during this event. (I have sent the videos across). Both are 8 minutes

6. Doro can sing blessed be the name of the Lord

7. Open mike after this. Also if you would let everyone know that there will be a book that can be written in. I would read and respond later. That they can come up to me but not linger long because I will have the girls and I don’t want them to be upset or crying. Also about the donation box and that it will be going to Klinik clowns for cancer kids. Refreshments and finger food will also be available.

All this done within the hour would work great for me.

Thanks again for all your support and doing this on such short notice. It is all appreciated.

Sabrina

And with that I remained BRAVE! Alex travelled to Jesus on Sunday the 9th of July. And on Wednesday 12th we did the memorial service. I got up and spoke! Nervous, emotionally and physically drained…with knots running up my back, Alex’s body being cremated at the same time…I ascended the stairs, honoring my God and my husband!

Below is a link to the memorial service!

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