Current study and the reason for this post…Am I messing up my kids? By Lysa TerKeurst.
As I write this…I’m tired. Physically worn out from a night with a newborn (Naomi, 1 week old) who had tummy problems. She came via a scheduled caesarean (first pregnancy was an emergency caesarean so wanted to avoid the complications I experienced the first time round) so you can imagine that I’m not a 100% well and still in recovery. Solely nursing without bottle feeds and rocking a little baby just after a op is draining. Our verse this week is for restoration from psalms 23:3 and boy do I need it.
I love how Lysa describes how she oscillates between “Good mum”… “Bad mum”!!!
I find myself doing the very same thing. I have those times when everything is running smoothly and I feel as though I got a handle on things and then… BAM, it changes that quickly. I loose my temper, I shout…I go a little crazy, maybe too crazy and then when all the tears are shed and my almost 3 year old daughter who is all spent crying…I am immediately remorseful. I want to go back and change things. I know I could of handled it better. If I had only taken a moment to breathe, calm down a bit before reacting things could have turned out differently.
Now that Leah is talking her individuality is evident. Alex my husband and I have enforced rules and we stick to it. Like her toys need to be tidied away before getting something else. Most of the time she is compliant but then there are those times when Leah crosses her hands over her chest with a look of absolute indignation and responds “Nein, Ich will nicht” (German to English translation “No, I don’t want to”).
What scares me most as a mother is that…yes it’s tough now. Caring for my babies who are incapable to prepare meals, bathe and feed themselves is okay. It’s tiring but I have control but a shift is taking place. I see it with Leah. She is particular with what she wants to eat and wear and the things she says just blows me away. I’m loosing control and it will get worse as they grow older. All I can do is pray. Pray that I get them grounded firmly in the Word. Pray that they make the right decisions. Pray that when they make mistakes, they are able to dust it off, pick themselves up and move forward. Pray that Alex and I are good role models that exhibit Christ in all our actions. Clearly, I’m making mistakes but I should be able to fess up when I am wrong and ask for forgiveness. I’m learning right now. Learning that my perfectionist ways needs to give way. That happy kids are better than laundry done or worrying about dishes piled in the kitchen sink and a spotless home! The laughing and running around and enjoying my children should be priority instead of getting all riled up that things are not on schedule.
I realize God is indeed teaching me patience, tolerance and long suffering through my girls. I’m blessed to have them and yeah I will mess up, no doubt but if I start the day with prayer and keep those lines of communication open throughout the day it will get better…it will be manageable!