Damaged Goods TO Trophy of Grace

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I still vividly remember the night I fell down on my knees, my hands clasped together in prayer, my face awash with tears asking, pleading, downright begging God to remove me from the situation I was in. I can’t remember the words I said but I do remember the feelings that coursed through my body. Feelings of helplessness, fear, hurt…the searing pain that wants you to end it all… to be released from the agony of suffering. Label : DAMAGED GOODS

I believe God had brought me to that point of complete helplessness. A place where there was no one else I could turn to, except Him.

I could blame the dreary circumstances of my life that I had no control over…

– living in a country where you are made to feel inferior simply because of the color of your skin
– comparing myself with others and never quite fitting in because my parents couldn’t buy us stuff simply because they could never afford it.

But that would be a lie…the mess that brought me to my knees in prayer was caused by the circumstances I created. What we lacked in material stuff my parents made up for it by showering us with love. I sat under the Word and attended church and I knew right from wrong, yet it was I who chose to rebel. I who chose to seek comfort in the world. However, I have to admit that I never completely understood the gospel. (I never understood the grace concept and having a relationship with God. Instead it was religion: just following the rules and I was tired of being good).

Still in my teens and freshly out of school.

I decided to have many boyfriends.
I decided to go clubbing every weekend.
I decided to experiment and consume far too much alcohol.
I decided to smoke weed that one time (thankfully I never got hooked on the stuff).
I decided to pierce my tongue, my lower lip…my belly button. (It was like creating the new me)

I simply wanted to fit in with the ‘in crowd’ to be noticed, to be accepted. A feeling of just belonging…

If that was not messy enough, I ended up introducing one of the loser boyfriends to my family. My life changed drastically one night when he arrived drunk and found out he wasn’t the only guy in my life. In my room, he fired a single bullet to his chest. I didn’t even know he owned a fire arm. He survived and I was so riddled with guilt because he had no one… his mum had died a couple of months before we met… he lived alone, so I moved in and lived with him after he came out of the hospital. I was shackled in a loveless relationship, blaming myself for his actions. I later realized that I was not the reason for him shooting himself…I simply was a trigger that set off all of his many other issues. He still drank excessively, acted like a moron whilst I paid the bills and kept that home running. Young, stupid mistake…I decided to leave, and move on especially after the loss of my dad was far too much to bear. I remembered him calling one night and saying he would shoot himself again. I was so fed up, my reply was, “this time please do it right or I will do it for you”. He never did make a second attempt…he just wanted to see if I would return as he was manipulating the whole relationship from the start.

You would think that I would have learnt a lesson, but no, Sabrina was now making up for lost time and so the dating continued, the partying and drinking.

Till I got hooked up with loser number two. His mum was running a drug business. He was contributing to it by helping her, yet I moved in with him. They seemed like normal everyday people but behind the scenes, peoples lives were being ruined at their hands, yet I chose to ignore it. Eventually we had a fallout, and it was exactly before a drug bust that resulted in his mum and her dealers being imprisioned.

During the time I stayed with him, I continued to work my normal job, live my life but that job too was falling apart. The company business was closing down, they soon would be bankrupt and I hadn’t been paid for months. My life was in absolute shambles. I was broke, back home with my mum…it was an awful depressive time…this is when I fell to my knees and turned to God…

I felt like the Samaritan woman at the well. Scarred, used, and an outcast, desperately needing love…a gift of living water!

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However trophy moments were around the corner. My sister was praying for me, she sent out my CV and I got a job in Johannesburg. She took me in, took me back to church and my life started improving. I then met my husband… we married, we moved to Germany and now there is happiness.

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Boy, was this a hard post…got through it and thankful for The Lord intervening and watching over me whilst I meddled in the world and messed around with all the wrong people. Things could have gone so wrong, I could have been shot by loser number 1 or I could have been in jail because of loser number 2. I call them losers but the truth of it all, I was the biggest loser, till Christ took my damaged life and transformed it. I was a trophy all along in His grace filled eyes.

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27 thoughts on “Damaged Goods TO Trophy of Grace

  1. Thank you Sabrina for sharing your heart! Your story will touch many people. God allows us free will to make our bad choices, so that we will chose HIM! And our shattered lives, can be transformed for others to see Him! Blessings, Keep on Keeping on with Him!
    Teresa

    • I second that opinion, my brain is still at the oatmeal stage, so thank you also tdm4him for putting into words what I was thinking also, Also you did a great job with the pictures

    • Praying that I do start opening up my mouth and speaking the grace of our Savior to broken people like myself…testifying to His glory…writing is one thing, verbally admitting it is going to be the next step…praying
      I won’t miss out on these opportunities. Thank you for encouraging me.

  2. Sabrina what a story of going from “damaged goods” to a “trophy of grace”. Your life is a testimony of what God can do at that well. Thanks for sharing. Debbie W. (Proverbs 31 Ministries OBS Team)

    • Yes, I realize this now, to testify so I can help others. Will take every opportunity that comes my way to let others know that they too are grace covered trophies! Was not easy sharing and remembering it all. Blessings to you and thanks for the words of encouragement.

  3. Sabrina thanks for sharing your past and how at your lowest point you allowed God to start transform your life into a Masterpiece . He took the damage and made it wonderful and usable for Him
    Marilyn ( Proverbs 31 Ministies OBS Team )

  4. Great post Sabrina and the photos were very well done. I too have allowed a fair amount of losers to take over my heart and only recently became aware that it’s because of damage in my own heart that I attract and accept people like that. Only God can fix that and indeed he is doing his good work in us. Thank you for sharing your story!

    • Thanks! Yes, it’s true we attracted them, only when we recognize that and let God transform us, then we see the differences. Blessings as we continue in this study, He is revealing so much!

  5. What a wonderful testimony. God is so good. And it’s amazing how He can turn our lives around. I was touched by your blog. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Thank you for sharing your testimony. It’s difficult sometimes to take the step to share something but the people who it may help makes it worth it. May others see that God can lead them to being a trophy of Grace no matter what their history.

    • Yes, it was hard…I would of kept it all bottled up somewhere far away…but this study and reading others who have opened up, helped me! A great release! Thanks…I know now that I must use my life story for His glory. Thank for reading, blessings to you!

  7. Awesome Post Sabrina! Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us. I’m certain it was hard to share as openly as you did, but I thank you for your courage. I know your post will help many, I too have lived in similar shoes as you. God does amazing things in lives when we choose the short term discomfort of obedience rather than the long term discomfort of disobedience. God is going to use you in mighty ways, looking forward to reading more of what you share in the weeks to come. God bless you! ❤ Anna

  8. Your post made me want to share, then reading chapter five sealed it. There is a huge weight off my shoulders, it’s out there and I now know I need to continue sharing…helping others who felt just like me. Thank you again for all your encouragement…much blessings!

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